So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
