barbara walters just said penis...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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