Will you blow on my dice?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
