I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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