dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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