Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
