My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
