Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
