So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
