remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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