One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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