I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
