Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
