Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His hands were made for my vagina.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
