so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
