You really coming over, don't trick.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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