3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
