Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
