what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
