You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dick very happy bro
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
