It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
