How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
