After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
