You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
