Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
