It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
