I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
