Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
