Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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