So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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