Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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