bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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