take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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