Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
