Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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