I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
