nut hugger
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
