The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
