Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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