i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
