4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
