these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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