It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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