he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
