the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
is wine microwaveable?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
