You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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