hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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