I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Randomize
