dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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