i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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